Plasmafunk! | Top Ten Lists

14. Whenever you?re in a large group at an animal exhibit, start the chant, ?Free the animals!! Free the animals!!?
13. Hijack the children?s train that goes around the zoo. (Attempt to steal candy from the children on the train.)
12. Do everyone a public service and read all the signs with information about the animals on them as loudly and unenthusiastically as you possibly can.
11. Play the game, ?Who can get closest to the lion without getting eaten.? (It?s fun for the whole family!! To make things more interesting, tie a t-bone steak to your chest while playing.)
10. Challenge one of the cheetahs to a foot race. (Remember?slow and steady wins the race.)
9. Demand a refund by saying you weren?t completely satisfied with your visit since you didn?t even see a unicorn or a three-headed dog of any kind.
8. Try to feed the gorillas cotton candy. (Other candy will work, too.)
7. At every animal exhibit brag, ?Big deal. I?ve got a (put animal name here) out on my front porch at home.? (People are especially amazed when you tell them you own a koala. I?m not sure why that is.)
6. When you go to get food, ask if they serve scrambled bald eagle eggs.
5. Ask if you can ride one of the giraffes. (If they say ?no,? ask if you can ride a manatee.)
4. Disobey all signs that tell you not to feed the animals or get inside the cages with the animals. (The latter one is sure to get you on the evening news.)
3. Try to put tuxedos on all of the penguins. (Make sure the tuxedos are water resistant.)
2. Educate little children on ?what that monkey is doing to that other monkey.?
1. Bring a boom box and a Barry White CD and try to get the pandas to mate.