Plasmafunk! | Humorous Articles

St. Louis, MO- Citizens of St. Louis woke to a startling discovery this Sunday morning. Many church goers and newspaper delivery persons noticed something tall and shiny was missing from the normal St. Louis horizon.

It was soon discovered that a pair of twins, known to the crime world as Double Trouble, were the perpetrators of the heinous crime.

Tom and Stephen Lowsky were planning on climbing up opposite sides of the arch and hanging a banner, advertising their new automotive business. Stephen recalls the incident.
?I threw up my rope and tried to catch it on something so I could start climbing. It came right back down! After the fifth or sixth time, I knew something was really wrong. That?s when I realized the arch was missing.?

The Lowsky brothers were the first to report the missing arch to authorities. While their plan to hang the banner is still not quite understood by the public, it was revealed that the plan involved a bow and arrow and ?lots and lots of rope.?

Double Trouble, Jim and Tim Sneffler, were seen in Nebraska, hauling off the 630-foot tall structure with a 650 foot tall crane with a huge magnet attached to one end. It was soon discovered that the magnet was, in fact, the world?s largest magnet which they had stole earlier from the magnet museum in Naples, Italy.

While Jim and Tim Sneffler were the thieves of the Gateway Arch, it is believed that a mysterious character named Carmen Sandiego is behind all of this mayhem. It is rumored that she runs a loose-knit gang of degenerates who get their chuckles from stealing large landmarks throughout the world. While they have stolen many different landmarks over the course of several years, they are most notorious for auctioning off the Sears Tower on Ebay. Unfortunately, a Mr. Gates was unaware of the fact that it was stolen properly, and regretfully returned the landmark to the proper authorities.

The authorities have sent out one low-ranking gumshoe to investigate the baffling case. So far, he has been to the library and the sports arena, but has not yet visited the local museum. He has identified the suspects as having brown hair and various tattoos, but has not acquired a warrant for any arrests at the present time.

Experts are still unsure of the whereabouts of Carmen Sandiego. Many believe that she has traveled back in time with the world?s only time machine. It was reported that she was seen stealing the time machine only weeks earlier at the time machine museum in Naples, Italy. Sources say she is either living in the Dark Ages or possibly the 70?s, where she enjoys fulfilling her necessity for lots and lots of disco.

Much progress is being made on the case, but investigators have not yet been able to find where the Double Trouble brothers hid the 630-foot arch. If you see it, they ask that you contact them as soon as possible.