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Last Saturday, Tony Bloomburg charged into his one bedroom apartment and announced that he had purchased a wok at a local retailer. He quickly affirmed that he had intentions of learning to successfully prepare Chinese cuisine.

Brandishing the curved pan, he smiled triumphantly, waiting for a response. Unfortunately, no one was in his apartment to witness the scene.

Not only did he buy a wok, but he also bought a plastic spatula to match. It was also rumored, but not confirmed, that he had purchased soy sauce and various rice vinegars at the store.

?Yeh, I saw him in the store.? K-mart empoyee, Ryan Simms recalls. ?He was chuckling to himself while holding a wok in each hand. He spent at least ten minutes eyeing each wok.?

Fortunately, that time paid off for Tony. ?I really think I got the perfect wok for me. I went with the Martha Stuart one. There was another one for ten dollars less, but you had to season it and stuff. It sounded way too complicated for me.?

The Martha Stuart wok did seem ideal for Tony. It even came with a recipe for mushroom pancakes and a 10-year warranty. Unfortunately, the warranty did not cover damage caused by ?misuse, high temperatures, or stupidity.? Despite the lack luster warranty, the wok had a stainless steel ?stay cool? handle which greatly impressed Tony.

A few days later, he backed up his drunken boast by preparing dinner for his family. The menu consisted of sweet and sour chicken, egg drop soup, and of course, rice.

?He was so excited about that stupid wok,? his mother said, shaking her head. ?He really needs a girlfriend. I caught him kissing the thing in the kitchen. When he saw me, he grabbed a dish towel and pretended to be polishing it.?

While it?s still unsure if he sleeps with the cookware or not, it can safely be assumed that Tony is thoroughly enjoying his wok.

?The soup turned out really well, I think.? Tony remembered, trying to bring back every bite. ?The chicken was a bit tough. But, what are ya gonna do??

Tony?s grandmother only spoke the highest praise of the entire dinner. ?Everything was fantastic!? she exclaimed.

A meal of chicken lo mein has been planned for the not-so-distant future upon retrieval of more chicken broth.

?I really like chicken.? Tony said, grinning.

Overall, the dinner was a success. Everyone enjoyed the food and Tony?s mother ended up washing the dishes.