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Washington D.C. ? In a strange turn of events last Tuesday, a kindergartner from local Jefferson Primary School was sentenced to death after causing the President ?irreversible mental harm? following a bout of ?got your nose.?

Following several refusals to return the President?s nose, Tommy Smith was escorted from the school?s Whitehouse field trip by secret service personnel. He was then forced into a conference room. The door was quickly closed and did not open for several hours.

The boy was tried by the United States Supreme Court who, owing the President a few favors, sentenced the boy to death and demanded his house be raized and family be burned at the stake as witches.

President Bush was unavailable for comment due to the intense emotional pain inflicted by Mr. Smith.

White House representatives have informed the press that major cosmetological doctors from around the country are now on call for reconstruction surgery following the boy?s execution in Texas on Tuesday.